Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
One name forgotten. One remembered.
I just sat for an hour trying to remember her name. To me she was Grams but I know she had a real name. Only I could not remember it.
Which is worse? Not remembering her name, not knowing anything about her or realizing that time and broken relationship have eroded the bedrock of relationship, so much that even her name can’t be dredged from the memory.
I remember. Minnie. Her name was Minnie. She died last week and was buried two days ago. I found out after it was all done.
Minnie a.k.a. Grams was not well known to me, nor I to her. She lived in Missouri and we lived in Idaho. During my growing up years I think I only saw her 3 times. My most vivid memory of her was in a housedress outside her old trailer home with a shot gun in her hand. She had just shot a 5 foot black snack in her front yard and thrown it to the dogs chained in the back yard, who immediately created a dust storm playing with it. She had one, freakishly strong, arm that had 2 fingers just below the elbow. That disability never seemed to slow her down and certainly didn’t affect her aim.
In my mind I think I loved her, perhaps by proxy. My mother loved her so I did too? The truth of the matter is I just didn’t really know her. However, when my mother decided not to love me she took her family, including Grams, with her. The last time I saw and talked with Grams was in 1989 and the last time I had meaningful conversation with my mother was in 1990.
What bothers me about all this is that I found out AFTER it was all done. What bothers me more is that I suspect this is how I will find out my mother is dead.
The larger question in all of this is "what will I struggle to remember about my mother after she is gone?" So many memories have been lost over time. There was a day when I would crumble at the smell of her perfume, or jolt at the sound of a voice around a corner that sounded like her. I would grieve remembering holidays that were and the ones that never would be. The memories were sharp, vivid and devastating. Not anymore. She appears infrequently in my mind as a reference to how I raise my children, clean my house or manage life. But, overall she is a blurry memory in my rear view mirror. However, I do still remember her name. Marilyn.
Which is worse? Not remembering her name, not knowing anything about her or realizing that time and broken relationship have eroded the bedrock of relationship, so much that even her name can’t be dredged from the memory.
I remember. Minnie. Her name was Minnie. She died last week and was buried two days ago. I found out after it was all done.
Minnie a.k.a. Grams was not well known to me, nor I to her. She lived in Missouri and we lived in Idaho. During my growing up years I think I only saw her 3 times. My most vivid memory of her was in a housedress outside her old trailer home with a shot gun in her hand. She had just shot a 5 foot black snack in her front yard and thrown it to the dogs chained in the back yard, who immediately created a dust storm playing with it. She had one, freakishly strong, arm that had 2 fingers just below the elbow. That disability never seemed to slow her down and certainly didn’t affect her aim.
In my mind I think I loved her, perhaps by proxy. My mother loved her so I did too? The truth of the matter is I just didn’t really know her. However, when my mother decided not to love me she took her family, including Grams, with her. The last time I saw and talked with Grams was in 1989 and the last time I had meaningful conversation with my mother was in 1990.
What bothers me about all this is that I found out AFTER it was all done. What bothers me more is that I suspect this is how I will find out my mother is dead.
The larger question in all of this is "what will I struggle to remember about my mother after she is gone?" So many memories have been lost over time. There was a day when I would crumble at the smell of her perfume, or jolt at the sound of a voice around a corner that sounded like her. I would grieve remembering holidays that were and the ones that never would be. The memories were sharp, vivid and devastating. Not anymore. She appears infrequently in my mind as a reference to how I raise my children, clean my house or manage life. But, overall she is a blurry memory in my rear view mirror. However, I do still remember her name. Marilyn.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Alex's Recital
Alex has been taking drums for 4 months. He is doing well, but GOODNESS THEY ARE LOUD!
Christmas Video for my "non-facebook" friends
This is a little video I created for family and friends who weren't around to enjoy the great chaotic Riley christmas. I posted it on facebook but I am also posting it here for the rest of you!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Scrapbook 2008
I can't believe another year has flown by. I am nearing completion of the scrapbook of the our year and when I look back I realize it is a really busy one, like most. We are so blessed. The kids are healthy and happy, as are we. We have all we need and much much more. 2009 and is going to be exciting. I can't wait to see what is going to happen. God is good. All the time.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas to all our family and friends! Here is a little bit about our Christmas day. More to come.
(Click the word bubble for captions)
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Tis the season
After . . .
- 6 practices
- 3 rehearsals with the ballet company
- 2 performances
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